New from Uncle John

Elvis has been dead 30 years. That is hard to believe, even for those who actually believe he is dead. I count myself among those who hold that "Elvis has left the building" (as the PA announcer said after one of his concerts).

Our Governor is very concerned about our future. He has mailed a packet to all MO seniors explaining why we should all enroll in a long term care arrangement post haste and telling us just how to go about it. It is seldom you encounter a public servant so devoted to helping the citizens achieve a better life.

Another interpretation might be that he is planning to pull the plug on the state's obligations to the joint state - Medicare long term care support. Of course I am not nearly jaded enough to be suspecting that.

[My Daughter’s] boss is said to frequently invoke the _expression "Off like a prom dress" when he is hurriedly making an exit from a meeting or from the office. I thought I had heard most of these sorts of _expressions, but this is a new one me. It just goes to prove you are never too old to learn new tricks.

Gold was priced at 666 dollars an ounce on Friday. This is an ominous valuation. I just can't see anyone wanting to place an order at that particular price. Call me superstitious.

The Carman Trails school is now in the news. They have decided to teach the boys and the girls in separate rooms. It is said the boys learn better in a louder and less organized situation, whereas girls thrive on the quiet and orderly. So starting now, all Carman Trails graduates will be at the head of the class in Junior High. I think it may be a help to the self esteem of boys. It always seems like when the teacher asks a question in elementary school, primarily the hands that go up are girls' hands. The fellows surely suffer esteem setbacks. I would possibly take exception with the paper's characterization of this experiment as "pioneering." If I'm not mistaken, various parochial schools and certain private schools have done things this way since forever. The paper was also probably blameworthy in that they reported on a boys class studying mathematics while the girls class selected for coverage was writing essays on bad hair days.

Minnesota had a bridge collapse then China had a bigger bridge collapse. Utah had a mine collapse then China had a bigger mine collapse. If those fellows are going to keep copying like this, we could lead them a merry little chase.

The illegal alien who allegedly shot the four students in NJ apparently has a very long rap sheet and is currently on bail from a vile predator arrest. Apparently the judge was aware of the history but still reduced the existing $150K bail down to $50K. There is much alarm about this and justifiably so. Even so, someone had to post some bail to get this cat back out on the street. I'm betting he nor his kith nor kin could muster even the reduced bail money. So I'm wondering why no one is asking who paid the money that put this cat back out on the street. I think that would be illuminating.

Speaking of this NJ shooting, it seems to be consistent with a crime wave in general in NJ. A local politician says this crime wave is attributable to our President since he has diverted money from crime fighting and sent it to Iraq. Sort of sounds like the bridge and hurricane stories. Hey, Bush is being unfairly blamed here. True, he spent billions in the Middle East but this did not cause him to curb spending elsewhere. He has handily outspent any President you can name on any general spending category you can name.

When Rove announced his plans to leave W's side, candidate Edwards said, "Good riddance." Now that's class.

McDonalds mistakenly provided a cheeseburger to a customer who ordered a hamburger. This may not seem like a big deal to you (and in fact some customers might even be pleased about the mistake) but it was a big deal to this customer. McDonalds is being sued for $10,000,000. The customer has a cheese allergy.

A local school district was slated to start August 13. What is the rush?

A new tougher poison ivy variety is taking hold. Someone speculated that it has evolved as a response to the richer CO2 environment on planet Earth since fossil fuel consumption has risen. Where do they find these guys? Oh yes, this same speculator reasoned that this new poison ivy scourge was Bush's fault.

The Cardinals played the Cubs yesterday. The Cardinals had twice as many hits, three times as many home runs, one half as many errors, three less struck out batters, one fewer walked batters, and two less wild pitches. The Cards lost by two runs. Some things are hard to figure.

The new challenge is "Set me free, why don't you baby?/ Get off my life, why don't you baby?/.../ Why do you keep comin' round,/ Playing with my heart?/ Why don't you get out of my life,/ And let me make a brand new start?/ Let me get over you,/ The way you've gotten over me."

Uncle John's Musings

A week ago I was witnessing the Brickyard 400 and having a great thrill.

It's tough to be a Cardinals fan. On Thursday they left 11 men on base and lost in the 11th inning. On Friday they stranded 12 runners and lost in the 12th. These losses were bracketed by 15 to 2 and 12 to 1 drubbings. I can't decide which is worse. The team has already broken the franchise record for the most losses by 10 or more runs in a season, and we have a long way to go. It is tough to be a Cardinals fan.

How important do you have to be in order to be assassinated rather than murdered? If one puts in his two cents worth and if one is offered a penny for his thoughts, what happens to the extra cent? Why does pizza come in a square container? Why is a performer IN a movie but ON a TV show? Why is bra singular and panties plural? Perhaps some new government funded studies are in order.

Speaking of government, the area real property assessment offices have installed record high valuation increases on our homes throughout the city and county, even though it is well known to all that property values have gone up very little (if any at all) since the last assessments. Our governments, being ever responsive to hardships on the voters, have instituted a sales tax reprieve for school supplies purchased this week end in area retail stores. Maybe next year they will greatly increase our sales tax and toss us a tiny property tax rebate.

I'm still trying to get vestiges of aluminized paint off of my fingernail cuticles. If that paint adheres near as tight to the roofs as it did to me, the paint job should be good for many years.

The real "race" in the Presidential contest seems to be among the various states as they position themselves to deliver earlier and earlier primaries than they had originally scheduled. It's going to make for a very long year for citizens who are not fond of political ads. I think the primary elections should be moved toward November, not toward January. Among the candidates, I think Edwards again earned a mention. He called upon all Democrat candidates to return any campaign money received from Rupert Murdoch or his minions. This fellow owns News Corp, which owns Fox and many other enterprises. Edwards revealed that he had received a few thousand dollars from a mid level manager and that he was in the process of returning it. Edwards did not mention that he had received about $800,000 from a Murdoch company on an advance for a book deal and has no plans of returning that. Can you say "hypocrisy?"

Someone reported that, all told, there are now over 300 congressional investigations on various administration activities or inactivities on the docket. I am assuming this is not true. I have an uneasy feeling it may be. Another reporter said that we have been no safer from terrorists since 9/11/01 than we were before then. I can think of two attacks on New York, one on a battleship, two on US embassies, and one on a US occupied complex in the earlier period. I recall none since. But I'm sure the "journalist" is an impartial, unimpeachable one.

It has been unbelievably hot here (St. Louis) since our return from cool, refreshing Indiana. Next week is supposed to be hotter yet. I haven't played tennis or been on the bike for quite a while now. I'm starting to become a believer in the global warming scenario.

Former Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert has lost 85 pounds since resigning from the post. Who says he was a do nothing Speaker in a do nothing House. Looks to me like he was doing something. I wonder if Ms Pelosi will pack on 85 pounds in her stint as Speaker?

There were two serious wrecks in the Tour De France caused by two dogs that chose inopportune times to cross the road. France is an older country than the USA but apparently we have an edge on them when it comes to the concept dog leashes.

Car jackings were a problem in Indianapolis. The rate increase was sufficient to spark the formation of a task force to crack down on the problem. The rate has increased 145% since then. I think it may be time for Plan B.

[The lyric challenge] "The selfish, they're all standing in line,/ Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time./ Me, I figure, as each breath goes by,/ I only own my mind./ .../ I know I was born and I know that I'll die,/ The in between is mine."

Weekend with Uncle John

Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to Gerald Ford. Happy Bastille Day. All of these occur on the same fabled date of July 14.

Paris Hilton's dad should have an easier time paying for her next get out of jail party without putting the squeeze on Vegas hotels to subsidize it. Blackstone just purchased Hilton Hotels for 26 billion or such.

The winner ate 66 hot dogs, a new record. The runner up ate a mere 63. I bet they didn't chew as thoroughly as their mothers would have urged.

The most recent batch of terrorists in the UK are all medical doctors or medical professionals. I would have assumed these folk would have been happy campers there, and, if not, would have had the means to migrate back to their father lands.

I always knew farming was a dangerous vocation. Now I realize it is even more dangerous than I had thought. Five on a dairy farm in Virginia died because of inhalation of methane from a manure pit. Apparently it was in an enclosed area and the sump pump wasn't working right.

Dark chocolate lowers blood pressure. That's pretty good news I guess, but why couldn't it have been milk chocolate?

The pin head with the weird strain of TB that flew across the Atlantic and illegally reentered the US from Canada turns out to be a lawyer. I should have known.

The University of Missouri has found that students are less likely to drink heavily on Thursday nights when they have classes scheduled for Friday morning. Duh. I don't know how much money they spent on this research but I assume all the other colleges that have now benefited from this finding will send some remittance or at least some reciprocal gem from their own research.

It was the wettest Wimbledon since who knows when. It was the windiest too. It's another manifestation of global wetting and blowing. I think Wimbledon also set new records for grunting, moaning and shrieking by players hitting the ball and set records for fist pumps by players. The latter used to be reserved for very special shots or very key points. Now it seems almost all points warrant a fist pump. It's global shrieking and fist pumping I tell you. Federer beat Nadal yesterday but unless my eyes are mistaken I believe Nadal may now be the best player. The group of geniuses that seeded Venus Williams 23rd should be excused from any further seeding exercises for the duration of their lives.

Missouri lawmakers passed legislation saying it was alright for universities to require advanced degrees for applicants to teaching positions. There was one exception. The congressmen stipulated that the requirement did not apply if the applicant had served in the Missouri House or Senate. Give me strength.

A local school district administrator ordered all teachers to mark all students present for a prescribed period of days. It seems this bumped the district into a higher "performance" measure and thus a higher monetary incentive from some state kitty. I presumed the teachers ratted out this infraction and was accordingly relieved. Alas, no teacher disclosed the deed; it was revealed by a person who saw the order while visiting one of the schools. The administrator is going down. Seems to me that the teachers should be ashamed as well.

Hillary broke all time fund raising record for 2nd qtr of year before election. It didn't last long. Obama announced an even greater amount.

There are 22 school districts in our fair county. Among these 22, the total valuation of each district's residential properties increased by 10% to 28%. These assessments seem all the more peculiar in light of the fact that property values have generally been static or lower over the past few years. Over all, assessments were up 20%. We are fortunate enough to live in the district that escalated 28%. Now one might think that a journalist would dig into this with great gusto. It seems like there must be a story here. To wit, why are assessments so much higher while sales prices obviously are not? Of course, there was not one word of text delving into this mystery or even acknowledging the incongruity. Nice.

The last challenge word was besotted, meaning stupefied. The last trivia question wasn't answered by anyone. Venus is the only planet that rotates in the reverse of the direction of the orbit. The last lyrics challenge was from "Slip Sliding Away" by Paul Simon.

I think I will dispense with the vocabulary and trivia challenges. I just don't have the time to read through all the replies that pour in. I don't know how you all find the time. The new lyrics challenge is: "Get your motor running,/ Head out on the highway,/ Looking for adventure,/ And whatever comes our way."

Uncle John

From Uncle John:

Happy Independence Day.

The big news is that I am now a grandpa.

We have various municipalities in the area that are passing ordinances that all new residences must have at least some masonry facade. This seems to be very popular with the bricklayers union but is strenuously resisted by homebuilder associations. The most active antagonist is the NAACP. I don't know exactly why that is.

New Orleans now has an inspector general. They never had one before. Surprised? Someone thought that since the rest of the country was pumping billions into that city of questionable local management practices, it might salve the nations unease if New Orleans appointed a watch dog. They picked the cat that had been Massachusetts' watch dog during the "big dig" tunnel project in Boston. That project re-wrote the record books in terms of cost over runs. Oh well.

Someone did a study and concluded that one is more likely to get a warning rather than a ticket after a traffic stop if one is a young lady, if one is local, if the area recently voted to accept a property tax increase, or if the area is reliant on tourist commerce. This is interesting but I sure hope taxpayers didn't pay for these pearls of wisdom.

We were watching a Wimbledon match and the announcer explained that James Blake, who was losing to an adversary from Spain, had beaten this fellow the last time the two had played head to head. I think I have heard this expression so many times that I paid it no attention. But [my wife], who is more exacting than I, wanted to know the other ways the two would have played against each other in the past. The American men have one contestant left after week one (Andy Roddick). What happened to USA men's tennis? On the subject of tennis, you have to check out the sports bra that Serena Williams sort of incorporates into her tennis outfit. The back band is one of the biggest pieces of elastic I have seen. I fear that if the thing were to burst, several spectators would be killed.

Some shrink on the IL side of the river was busted for defrauding Medicare and Medicaid. Many bills were submitted for treatments during periods when he was on vacation in other continents. Some days had 40 hours of treatments billed. I'm wondering if psychiatric care should be lumped in with other medical care. The opportunity for such mischief probably is too seductive. Anyway, this cat has the unusual name of Ajit Trikah. He set up a firm with a modest name of TRX. The President, secretary, and treasurer of TRX all happen to be Ajit Trikah. It must be quite a company.

My box of Wheaties has a prominent piece on the side panel that says "The NBA Cares," and went on to cite the countless things the NBA does to help kids. This message is bit incompatible with what I hear about the on court and off court antics of their basketball players. I suspect if they paid all their child supports it would be a good first step toward helping kids.

Texas A&M had a business ethics course in which 24 students were involved in a cheating scam. I wonder if they understood the concept of the course. Perhaps they did. Maybe it's one of those realism courses.

Michael Moore (one of the leading "do as I say, not as I do" crowd) says: "If a doctor says something is needed, then the government should guarantee it gets paid for." I'll bet you plenty that Michael Moore would side with the plaintiff in 99% of the malpractice suits against doctors for erroneous diagnosis, unnecessary treatments, bogus treatments, mistaken prescriptions, etc. So I'm confused.

The vote on the immigration bill never happened. The vote to continue it's consideration was defeated 53 to 46. The way I see it, The Democrats are the majority party and thus have over 50 votes. Several Republicans voted with the Democrats. Even so, they mustered only 46 votes. The Post Disgrace says the GOP killed the bill. By my reckoning, if a bill gets only 46 votes even with considerable help from the minority, one should more appropriately surmise that the majority party failed to deliver the bill.

STL tap water has been judged to be the best tap water in the country. How about that! Nonetheless, people here flock to convenience stores and groceries and vending machines in endless numbers in order to purchase expensive bottled water.

Scrushy, the ex CEO of Health South and formerly the only indicted CEO to beat the Justice Department, had a short lived victory. He has been sentenced to 10 years in the slammer for bribery and corruption. Gotcha.

I was looking at the back cover of [my wife's] most recent mag from her good friend Rush. He put forth some of the text of a Hillary address to an MIT crowd. It was an ongoing rant on how the governments must find ways to make selfish citizens more supportive of less well off citizens. At the end, Rush added "Karl Marx couldn't have said it better."

The challenge word was excoriate. It means to denounce harshly. The trivia answer from Mary Poppins was supercalifragilistiexpialidocious, or something in that vein. The lyrics challenge was from Joe Walsh's "Life's Been Good to Me So Far." That song has a great line that I did not include: "They say I'm lazy but it takes all my time."

The new challenge word is "besotted." The trivia question is which planet in our solar system rotates in a direction opposite to its orbit? The new lyric challenge is: "I knew a father who had a son;/ He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he'd done./ He came a long way just to explain;/ He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping then turned around and headed home again./ God only knows; He alone has His plan./ The information's not available to the mortal man."

New Uncle John

Here is another article from Uncle John. I may as well rename this the Uncle John blog the way thing have been going lately.

Hillary has chosen a theme song. What a load off my mind. She chose one performed by a Canadian. I wonder how politically savvy that is. Her hubby chose "Don't Stop Thinking about Tomorrow" by Fleetwood Mac. That is the only Fleetwood Mac song that Ginger hates.

I made fun of Indiana's seat belt laws after I learned that they exempted all pick up truck drivers. Well, in between that trip and the just finished trip, Indiana decided to go overboard the other way. Not only are pick up trucks now covered under the law, but now all passengers in a vehicle (yes, even rear seat passengers) will be in violation if they fail to buckle up.

I saw a bank called "Fifth Third Bank." I wondered if there was a "Third Fifth Bank." Why not just make it the "Fifteenth Bank?"

The Passport Office has announced a 17 month delay in their new rule since they were already hopelessly behind.

I read an article that kept referring to "Jones" or "Mr. Jones." After a while I began to think that that the name was bogus and the author was providing anonymity. But toward the end, the first name was revealed, and its absence theretofore was understandable. The name was "Tyqwiice."

Nifong, the Durham, NC prosecutor who botched the Duke Lacrosse team case whilst breaking most ethical and legal guidelines for a prosecutor, got beat up pretty good last weekend. To me, his most egregious misconduct was withholding the exculpatory DNA evidence from the defendants' counsels. His explanation for not having turned over the evidence clearing the accused was that he had become somewhat unfamiliar with the laws applying to criminal cases since he had been focusing on traffic violations during the past three years. Don't you just want to punch this idiot?

The Dems blasted the GOP, and rightly so, for all manner of "ear marking" abuses on pieces of legislation. This is the technique by which non-related spending initiatives are tacked onto various bills. The Dems naturally promised to end this nonsense when they swept to power. Just as naturally, "ear marks" are still ubiquitous in new legislation. Some reporter actually pointed this out to Speaker, San Fran Nan. She said the examples cited were not "ear marks" but rather were "directed legislative spending." There you go. Not surprisingly, the approval rating of Congress is now 14%. There is surprisingly little mention of this in the papers and network news.

I have learned indirectly via NT that our beloved announcer Mike Shannon is or was known as "moon man." I have no idea what the origins of that moniker were but somehow it seems so appropriate. I will repeat my favorite of the Mike Shannon pearls. As a switch hitter came to the plate, Mike said "You just can't imagine what an advantage it is to be able to bat from either side; I would have given my right arm to be ambidextrous."

Father's Day was special here. My children assembled and joined forces with their mom and they all collectively kicked my behind in a game called Crack Uno. I had a really good time. Well, if I'd have had crack, maybe I would have had a good time.

The last challenge word went unanswered. It is my first shut out. "Propitious" means favorable, favorably inclined. The states with capitols beginning with the same letters are Delaware, Hawaii, Indiana, and Oklahoma. The lyrics were from American Girl by Tom Petty. I paid good money to take our gang to a Tom Petty concert last summer.

The new challenge word is "excoriate." The new trivia challenge is: According to Mary Poppins, what word, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious, if you say it loud enough you''ll always sound precocious? The new lyrics challenge is: "I have a mansion, forget the price;/ Ain't never been there, they tell me it's nice./ I live in hotels, tear out the walls;/ I have accountants pay for it all./ They say I'm crazy, but I have good time;/ I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime."

Saturday with Uncle John

I am a little slow posting this, but here is another one from Uncle John.

Happy Father's Day to all fathers out there. Happy beginning of summer. Happy St. Jean Baptiste day to all you Quebecers.

I have a proposal. If your broadcast or article includes a feature on what Paris Hilton ate during each of her three daily meals in jail, then you should no longer be allowed to call your program a "news" show or to refer to yourself as a journalist. There, I think that would pretty much rid us off the whole lot. On that same lame subject, I see her dad is planning a huge getting out of jail party for her. He is allowing the big Vegas venues to fight over who gets the honor. He, being a bit short on cash I guess, is asking the site to put up $50,000 or more for the party. I think it's fair to say that any good father would have done the same for their daughter.

Roger Federer fans had to watch him struggle and fail against the irrepressible Nadal at the French Open. Late in the match, commentator Mary Carillo said, "Roger's break point numbers don't look impressive." Well, Mary is a master of understatement. At the time Federer had secured one break in 17 opportunities. I would wager that beyond not looking impressive, this was record shattering. All the American men contestants bowed out in the first round. That too is unbelievable.

After two series against American League teams, the Cardinals had given up 53 runs in 6 games. Mike Shannon said, "It hasn't been very enlightening to say the least." I think Mike may have invoked the wrong word there. It has been VERY enlightening, but it hasn't been very enjoyable. Those figures preceded the recent series against the Royals. Kent proclaimed that he would visit great bodily harm upon himself if we lost to the worst team in baseball. They beat us 8-1. The Redbirds won game 2. With the Cards scoring 8 runs in the rubber game, Kent would seemingly have escaped his own intemperate remark. Alas, our pitching surrendered 17 runs to the mighty Royal lineup in that game.

While on the subject a baseball, why is it that every time the camera shows fans behind the plate in a close up shot, a large number of them are using cell phones? When the close up is on other parts of the crowd, few if any are using their phones.

In previous episodes I have chronicle how the terminology applied to border jumpers who stayed here changed from "illegal aliens" to "illegal immigrants" to "undocumented immigrants" to "immigrants awaiting their paper work." Senate Majority leader Harry Reid has now taken it another step. He now refers to the illegal aliens as "undocumented Americans."

While on the subject of Harry Reid, he boasted that the Senate was going to give Antonio Gonzalez quite a comeuppance. I'm not sure who this Antonio Gonzalez is. I think he might be a striker on the Juarez soccer team. Meanwhile the loudmouthed obstructionist minority blocked an attempt to defame attorney general Alberto Gonzalez.

Mr. Hilton isn't the only one short on cash. John Edwards was speaking to an audience of mostly students and the event charged $17 for tickets to hear the fabulously rich malpractice lawyer speak. I hear him almost every day, but at least it's free.

Cardiovascular problems are still the number one killer, by far. Virtually everyone has a stake in advancements in this field. Relatively few are likely to be affected by HIV AIDS and most of these are folk who knowingly ignore the known preventions. Despite the fact that it affects vastly fewer people and despite the fact that means of it's prevention are known for the vast majority of its victims, more medical research money is spent on HIV AIDS than cardiovascular issues. Hmm.

Kris recently purchased an ATT/Singular service. She applied for the hefty rebate. She had to jump through quite a few hoops. She got a text mail message saying that her rebate had been mailed and that she should expect it within three weeks. I am wondering where they mailed it from (please excuse the grammar).

Apparently precious little of the billions allocated by Congress for border security measures has been applied to the task so far. Homeland Security Director Chernov does not seem to think he or his department share any culpability in this matter. He says if we want better border security, we must "give him the tools." I have to admit, I am very confused about all this. I would swear that every bureaucrat in the past has always used "give me the money" as the response.

The city of St. Louis, ever keeping its citizens in mind and looking for sources of revenue other than taxes, launched a suit against past manufacturers of lead based paint. Lead based paint was banned by the federal government in 1978. The suit was dismissed. Some court actually did something intelligent.

The last challenge word was "turpitude" meaning baseness or vileness. There have been several infamous instances in which the guest speaker was introduced or the official was characterized as a person of great moral turpitude. This is always intended to convey great praise it seems but actually is a grievous blow. In the case of politicians, the usage is accidentally correct. The lyrics challenge was from The Air That I Breathe. NT alone gave the Hollies as the artist. This song is currently being used in NAPA Auto Parts ads for air cleaners. This application seems somewhat less romantic than the original thrust of the song.

The new challenge word is "propitious." The trivia question: name the states that have a capitol beginning with the same letter as the state. The new lyrics are: "Well, it was kind of cold that night;/ She stood alone on the balcony./ Yeah, she could hear the cars roll by;/ Out on Four forty-one like/ Waves crashing on the beach./ And for one desperate moment there,/ He crept back in her memory./ God it's so painful when something that's so close,/ Is still so far out of reach./ Oh yeah,/ Alright./ Take it easy baby, ..."

Uncle John

I have been busy. Here is something from Uncle John to tide you over.

I see the Reds have a new player. The name is Homer Bailey. Now there's a baseball name. Tragically, Homer is a pitcher. I think I'd put in for a name change. When I was a kid and a hopeless Reds fan, their catcher was Ed Bailey. Bill Bailey never made it as a baseball player because he would never go home. I see the LPG has a young golfer named Birdie Kim. Maybe Spike Lee should have been volleyball player. I wish he were doing something other than what he is.

Quinn Snyder, who led the Mizzou Tigers from a perennial strong basketball team to a total shambles in a few short years, just got hired by the NBA to coach a team in their "development league." I didn't know there was such a thing. As far as I know he couldn't find a job anywhere last year. At the other end of the spectrum, Mr. Donovan is going to continue coaching college ball down in Florida for $3.5 million/year.

Have you ever noticed that when you decide to be charitable and send some money to one of the outfits seeking contributions, the thank you notice that comes a few days later invariably contains a solicitation for additional giving.

There was a beauty contest in Saudi Arabia. No, of course they would not debase women in this way. Further, it's hard to judge a woman's beauty when her face is covered. Rather, this contest was for camels. Hundreds of camels were picked from the throngs as being the most appealing. The owners of the winning camels were each given an SUV. There is some irony here.

Did I read that Hillary seeks suggestions from the public as regards what her campaign theme song should be? This seems like just too rich a straight line for any comedian or adverse pundit. I'm a loser, Cold as Ice, the list could go on and on.

William Jefferson, not William Jefferson Clinton but just plain William Jefferson, congressman from New Orleans has been indicted with 16 corruption related felony counts. This is the cat who commandeered a rescue helicopter and crew to take him to his home in the flooded section of New Orleans after Katrina where he retrieved some goodies. He is also the cat who had $90,000 cash in his freezer in his government office. Now that's what they mean by "cold cash." He won reelection despite these things having been known. He was then put on the Homeland Security committee until the obstructionist loud mouths protested too intently.

The STL public schools have gone through a multi-year process of losing accreditation. Apparently it isn't easy to lose. You get several chances. It's sort of like that time the USSR beat the USA for the gold medal in the Olympics. Unlike the USSR, STL couldn't make good on any of the do overs. The school board is in chaos and has been for a long time. They have paid millions to outside consultants; they have built beautifully renovated facilities, only to have them trashed; they have had wretched attendance by students and teachers alike; etc., etc. Though it certainly is not among the top problems, the district is also short on revenues. But then again, so is every school district ever known. The state finally has announced it will be appointing a team to run the STL public schools. Now the state has been sued. By whom? Well, by the STL school board. I guess they weren't out of money after all.

I heard a doctor on the radio being interviewed about raising certain points of interest on the upper torso of mature ladies. He was asked about scarring. He said they always endeavored to minimize scarring. I didn't think this was a very responsive answer and apparently neither did the interviewer. The interviewer persisted with, "Well, how visible will the scar be?" The good doctor said it depended on the degree to which they drooped before the procedure and on the degree to which the patient wanted them raised. I'm suddenly thinking that one can be an idiot and still be a doctor.

The Cardinals had injuries or illnesses to their left fielder, third baseman, shortstop, catcher and a utility player within a short spell. Most have returned but now the back up catcher also went down. The Redbirds hired this fellow named Stinnett who has caught the past few games. I suspect he is one of those folk who is younger than he looks. He looks like he could have caught Warren Spahn. The Cards were doing pretty good when playing the Pirates, Rockies, Astros, and Reds. I'm not sure if the recent experience is representative of what awaits.

I see our Senate voted against a provision to deport felons among the 12 million illegal aliens. Hmm.

I see Paris Hilton tired of jail rather quickly. Somehow she got transferred to detention in her home because a shrink said she would have a breakdown otherwise. Can you imagine all the inmates across the country slapping their foreheads, regretting that they had never thought to try that one. Anyway, some judge intervened and had her roused from her house and sent back to the brig. I'd love to know what exactly transpired to facilitate her release.

[My wife] and I went to a Shakespeare in the park event last night. This year it is "Much Ado about Nothing." They put on a very funny production.

I've been adding 5 miles per week on my weekly long bike ride. I'm up to 55 now. I got off to a late start this year. At the risk of repeating myself, it's the global wind increase, not the temperature increase, that is being made manifest. I'm sure Frisbee players will confirm this. [My wife] and I have a balloon ride pending but it is forever being canceled due to wind. My main beef about the wind, however, is the aggravation it causes me on bike rides.

What to do on Monday nights now that "24" is over?

I see the government is suspending it's new passport requirements for travelers to Mexico, Canada, etc. They were helplessly asea and impossibly behind. They were wrecking plans of about half a million travelers, and counting. Is there any bureaucracy anywhere that operates at even a minimally acceptable level? Maybe it is time that politicians quit running on what they will do on all the big issues and just simply run on a pledge to make the myriad agencies responsive to the citizens who pay them and who expect a service from them from time to time.

The last challenge word was "bibulous," meaning fond of alcoholic drink. I wonder if many people knew this but pretended they didn't lest they appear guilty by association. The trivia question was "CBS" which stands for Columbia Broadcast System. The lyric was from "19th Nervous Breakdown" by the Rolling Stones. These three challenges almost comprised a no hitter.

The new challenge word is "turpitude." The trivia question is: name five of the characters in the cartoon "Peanuts." The new lyrics challenge is: "If I could make a wish,/ I think I'd pass./ Can't think of anything I need./ No cigarettes, no sleep, no light, no sound,/ Nothing to eat, no books to read./ Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak,/ So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep./ Sometimes, all I need is __ __ __ __ __,/ And to love you."

More Wisdom From Uncle John

If anyone caught the debate last night, please comment below with your impressions. I missed it, so I need a recap from people who watched it. Thanks. Here's Uncle John. -NT

No birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays to report. Kevorkian has been let out of jail.

The paper and broadcasters here don't give the Indy 500 its due. As near as I can tell it was won by a driver named Mr. Ashley Judd.

The worst thing about the younger generation is that I don't belong to it.

The House voted to make gasoline price gouging a federal crime. That would be interesting.

The Minister of Agriculture in Japan was alleged to have been involved in a funding scandal there. He hanged himself. I find myself wishing that our own politicians had a similar response to being outed.

Romney moves three giant steps forward (that phrase is for all readers who remember the "mother may I?" game that was really big in the 50's) by having passed the Beatles test. Apparently he correctly identified Sergeant Peppers and When I'm Sixty-four. This is key. I still can't believe Sharpton didn't get slapped down for saying voters who believe in God will keep Romney out. The reverend seems to enjoy a pass.

Brazil will supply an inventory of birth control pills for a whole year for the equivalent of $2.40. I'm thinking why not just make it free? The rationale for the give away was that this gives the poor the same chance to plan a family as the rich has. Though we often hear the phrase "only in America," it clearly isn't always only in America.

We tax payers now pay for the radio and TV ads that assure the public that the traffic cops are out there arresting unbuckled motorists like never before. It's hard to believe that the governments can claim they need more money ifthey have money enough to pay for these broadcast spots.

Even the great O'Reilly says the 12 million illegal aliens (I mean the 12 million awaiting their paper work) will not be a hit on entitlements because itis stipulated that they must work 90% of the time or else they'll be deported. Even the great O'Reilly seems not to admit that all our welfare programs are focused on households with low wages. Virtually all these folk will qualify forthe entitlements even while working full time. I'm not sure where I stand on the new bill but I sure wish proponents would not be playing this deception.

Our local water company is petitioning for a 24% increase. They haven't even said why. They say you can learn more from their web site. It has nothing onthe matter. They say you can come to one of their public hearing sessions to learn more. Idiots.

The Earned Income Credit feature of the IRS is interesting. Up to a point, the filer can get more cash welfare from the IRS as the filer's income increases. As we well know, the IRS generosity does not usually improve as incomes increase. So this puts a new twist on things. Traditionally, folk tended to forget or under report certain incomes. Here there is an incentive to invent or over report certain incomes. Now that's what I call a new paradigm.

I used to feature a quote from Cardinal broadcaster Mike Shannon in eache mail. I have not done that for a while. He owns a restaurant near the ballpark and the Cardinal pitcher who died a few weeks back had been there before his fatal car crash. The father has sued Shannon's restaurant, the tow truck driver whose vehicle was struck, and the driver of the disabled car the tow truck wastending to. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a son, but this son clearly was responsible for his own death and this law suit seems like a tawdry, cheap, seedy response. Maybe Josh inherited his tendency to make bad choices.

Push lawn mowers are reportedly making a comeback. These are the non-motorized machines. Supposedly they are made only by a company in Indiana. I wonder how much smaller one's carbon footprint becomes by switching to one of these. I don't think a smaller carbon footprint would be enough to persuade [my relatives] to make the change.

Of course if you just can't reduce your carbon foot print, you can salve your conscience by arranging for some carbon off sets. Many places are now promising to have trees planted on your behalf if you pay a nominal fee. An outfit called "Trees for the future" will plant 400 trees in a developing country forthe very reasonable price of $40. So I guess it only costs a few cents for each tree, it's land consumption, it's planting, and it's maintenance. So far as I know, even if the 400 trees were to be planted, the offset might not cover much more than one's lawn mower emission. A lot of CO2 emissions come from exhaling. San Fran Nan is going to Greenland, Germany, and Belgium to discuss CO2 emissions. I suggest that she reduce exhaling (and certainly she is going to hike, bike, and kayak all the way).

A case involving the KKK in Mississippi is now going to trial. The crime was in 1964. The wheels of justice grind slowly.

The last word was sleazoid. Curiously enough, it means a sleazy person. The trivia question was Evil Knevil's famous canyon jump site. It was the Snake River Canyon. The lyrics were from Queen's "We Will Rock You." The new challenge word is "bibulous." The new trivia question is what do the initials CBS stand for? The new lyrics challenge is: "You're the kind of person/ You meet at certain/ Dismal, dull affairs./ Center of a crowd/ Talking much too loud,/ Running up and down the stairs./ Well it seems to me/ That you have seen,/ Too much in too few years./ And though you've tried/ You just can't hide,/ Your eyes are edged with tears./ You better stop/ look around/ here it comes, ..."

Its an Uncle John Wednesday

Happy Memorial Day. Happy Memorial Day observed. Happy Indy 500. These used to be one date. Now they are three different dates. This is another example of improvements made by mankind during the past 50 years.

The St. Louis Post Disgrace (I mean Post Dispatch) had a page one plug saying "Unlike Muslims in Europe, US Muslims are overwhelmingly opposed to Islamic extremism." In the article on page three it disclosed that 51% of Muslims in the US are "very concerned about Islamic extremism." This is not quite what I'd call "overwhelmingly opposed." Further, over one-fourth of US Muslim males under 30 say suicide bombing is an acceptable way to "defend Islam." I am just as shocked by these results as I am by the journalism acumen of our paper's staff.

The fine Gov. of Arkansas said, "Congress spent money like John Edwards in a beauty shop." If your TV ever happens to be tuned to the Cspan channel and if the Senate is in session and if Senator Byrd is speaking, do yourself a favor and start pushing buttons on your remote. I never thought much of his politics but I must admit he was once a fine orator. Now he is ridiculous. He can only speak about 10 words a minute, he repeats almost everything he says. The keywords are repeated several times each. He reads from a notebook on the podium and the letters must be about 4 inches tall because he turns the page after every dozen words or so. To see this spectacle is as sad as if fans had to watch a teetering Stan the Man who still insisted on taking his turn at bat in the Cardinal's lineup each day.

If you had a dollar for each of the 100 billion seconds of human history, you could pay for the US gov't budget for about 12 days.

The value of real property equity in the US exceed the value of all stocks/bonds/etc.

I'm very confused and conflicted about the new immigration reform proposals, but it seems like the political parties are also. The strangest alliances I have ever seen have emerged over this deal. One highly touted point is that "There will not be a hit on our welfare costs because this bill stipulates that the person be employed at least 90% of the time." This is magnificently incorrect. Our welfare programs may have at one time been intended for unemployed folk but the programs are absolutely aimed at low income employees now and virtually all of the people in question will surely qualify for virtually all the welfare programs. I am almost convinced to stand against the proposal unless its proponents can deliver a grain of honesty on this aspect.

I feel like the old codger I heard on the TV sit com who said he was just waiting for the new Internet fad to pass.

The Gov of IL wanted to tax the gross receipts of businesses in that state rather than just the profits. Seems to me this would be a huge hit on the low profit margin operations and a great boon to the high profit margin operations. The measure failed (at least in the opening round). This guy's name is Blagojevich or something of that ilk. I wish voters would reject candidates with names that I can't spell or pronounce.

A fellow in a neighboring county got arrested and convicted for having 359 marijuana plants growing in his basement. A peculiar facet is that his wife was a county prosecutor at the time. She said she knew nothing about the 359 plants in the basement. A special prosecutor from the big city (that's us) was assigned to look into this situation. He said he believed her. End of story. I bet the folk in DC wish the special prosecutors that descend on them were as easily persuaded.

I see tobacco usage is now a factor in the ratings assigned to a movie. I hear some of the old movies will be edited to delete tobacco usage scenes. There doesn't seem to be a boundary on this subject.

NBC has decided to change the airing of "Friday Night Lights" from Wednesdays to Fridays this year. Now that makes more sense. ABC was all over this concept back in 1970 when the introduced Monday Night Football and aired it on Monday nights.

Currently the US Postal Service is selling some 41 cent stamps for current usage and some 41 cent stamps that are said to be good for all future postage. It seems to me that all rules of economics would say that the "forever stamps" must have greater value than the current stamps, so how can they charge the same for each?

The Cardinals played 27 innings in San Diego and scored in one of them. The bats then came alive but the pitching went sour as they lost 5 of 6 in LA and Detroit. When trailing the Tigers by 9 runs in the 5th, our announcer said "there is still a lot of baseball to be played." He was right. The Tigers scored 5 more times in that very inning.

I have not seen or heard a media report on it, but an anecdotal account has it that a purveyor of gasoline in WI was ordered to discontinue his attempt to sell gas at a discount to certain customers.

How's that for free enterprise? W's approval rating is 33% (awful). Congress' approval rating is 29%. It seems like I hear a lot more about the former than the latter.

The last lyric challenge was from Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd. The vocabulary word was "scofflaw" and (as the parts suggest) it is one who scoffs at the law, usually minor laws. The trivia question was about the yachting prize, The Americas Cup. Robin, Mary Jo, Rob, and Betsy got it.

The new vocabulary word is "sleazoid." The trivia question is: Over what river canyon did Evil Knevil attempt to jump his motorcycle? The lyrics challenge is: "Buddy you're a big boy,/ make big noise;/ Playin' in the street,/ Gonna be a big man someday./ You got mud on your face,/ You big disgrace,/ Kickin' your can all over the place."

More From Uncle John!

Happy Armed Forces Day. Happy Victoria Day to the Canadians.

Well, [my wife] is on cloud nine. She, despite giving her youngest sister 18 months notice that she would quit working for her in Jan. 07, still seems to be doing her youngest sister's bidding in May 07. Today a client told [her] that she must be [her sister's] younger sister. [She] is on cloud nine and there is no sign that she'll be coming down soon. She also enjoys commenting on her very low blood pressure, her doctor's assessment than she has the bone density of a 30 year old, and her regular amazing performance in the NCAA pools.

The book I'm reading has a passage in which our hero "sits down and crosses his legs, putting his ankle on the opposite knee." Maybe it's just me, but I just assumed if he put his ankle on his knee, it would indeed be the opposite knee.

[A relative] has returned from the Dominican Republic. I have asked him, but will extend the question to the whole audience just in case he is stumped. What is the reason that the Haiti half of the island is so much more impoverished than the Dominican half of the island?

It seems to me that the extra long phone cords often backfire. I realize that these are largely out of date now that almost everyone uses cell phones or cordless phones. But for those of us still using the old fashioned phones with cords, the extra long cord option usually leads to a situation in which the cord forms a double stranded helix like a DNA molecule and ends up so constricted that when you lift the handset it pulls the phone off the counter top. This is yet another case where more is less.

Everyone has a "mission statement." This revolutionary notion did not escape the IRS. The IRS says their mission is to help us meet our tax responsibilities. I'm not kidding. You can look it up (as Casey Stengel used to say). I think a reasonable interpretation of this mission statement would be that the IRS will chip in some cash when we owe taxes.

How about these bad judges that get reversed repeatedly by higher courts? They have a "three strikes and you're out" rule for the criminals; maybe they should have a similar one for the judges.

Guys are supposed to lower the toilet seat when they finish #1. Gals are supposed to leave it down when they finish. I never understood this protocol. But now I realize that if everyone does as they are supposed to, then only the guys ever see the bottom side of the toilet seat and some of the wonderful sights there.

The TV crime show was going through its forensic report and the deceased's blood alcohol content was given as 0.08%. One of the cast said that 0.08% didn't sound very high. Another said it may not sound high but the deceased only weighed 110 pounds. Why would weight matter when the level is expressed as a percentage of the blood?

Why is it ok to apply paint to the side of your house and let it dry there but it is not ok to just take the lid off and let the liquid evaporate prior to discarding?

Remember when we were assured the seat belt laws were for our protection and that the cops would only make note of seat belt violations if they happened to be detected during a pull over for a moving traffic violation. That position has given way long ago. Now the opposite applies. Locally, TV and radio ads are proclaiming that our police are now on the look out for seat belt violations and are making arrests like never before.

Rosie says Giuliani knew that the steel in the World Trade Center did not meet specifications.

Some global warming guys are getting more specific. Our coastal cities are to be under water in 5 years.

[My pregnant daughter] is like Streisand. She keeps announcing her retirement but continues on. I'm talking tennis in this instance. Each week she suggests may be her last till after the baby comes; but each week she beats her mother and decides to try it again.

We did some dog sitting for [my other daughter's] Kiwi while she attended a four day seminar at Lake of the Ozarks last week. On one day this Yorkie had taken four dumps. [My wife] took it to visit grandma. I must say I wish I had been there to see that little fella summon all his strength to produce yet a fifth pile, just for grandma's floor.

Last weeks challenge word was "butte." It is like a mesa or high plateau. The trivia question was what was the most popular name for boys born in the USA during 1950-2000. The answer is "Michael." Most guessed "John" which is understandable because of the universal appeal I generate. The last lyrics challenge was from Turn the Page by Bob Seeger (and Metallica, per some readers).

The new word is "scofflaw." The trivia question: Tennis has the Davis Cup; hockey has the Stanley Cup; what is the Cup that designates the yachting championship? The lyrics challenge is: "If I leave here tomorrow,/ Would you still remember me?/ For I must be traveling on now,/ Cause there's too many places I gotta see./ But if I stayed here with you girl,/ Things just couldn't be the same./ .../ Lord help me, I can't change."

Thursday with "Uncle John"

Did you realize that the letters in George Bush can be rearranged to give "he bugs Gore?"

When asked what his family was doing about the global warming crisis, Obama came up with "changing light bulbs." This of course begs the question: "How many senators does it take to change a light bulb.? I've heard the favored bulbs are made only in China and that they contain mercury. Beyond all that, I'm not sure I want anyone in the White House who is of the sort that thinks changing light bulbs is the answer to global warming and/or energy independence. The same goes for the sort that pays $400 for haircuts.

Speaking of wannabe White House occupants, Hillary says she will treat all leaders of all countries with dignity and respect once she is President. It is disconcerting to think that she would be more civil and deferential to our friends from Venezuela, North Korea, Iran, Syria, etc., than she is to anyone in the Administration of the USA.

Sheryl Crow says we all should make do with one square of toilet paper. Maybe this is some weight economy trick Lance Armstrong taught her. Those bikers would never carry two squares if they could make do with one. Maybe it's something she thought up all by herself while she was having fun, as the sun comes up on the Santa Monica Boulevard. Her friend Laurie David says that global warming causes extreme cold results as well.

The Democrats railed, and rightly so, as the GOP congress attached endless "earmarks" and huge non germane spending to many of its appropriations bills. The Dem's own bill, which they said was for "funding our troops," happened to have many billions for everything from levees to sugar beet farmers. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I'm worried about NT up there in Paul Bunyon country. First, there was the Paul Wellstone memorial service, then there was Al Franken threatening to run for office, then there was the new congressman being sworn in on the Koran, and now there are reports that universities are installing foot baths to accommodate the religious ritual of washing feet before prayer. Similarly, shower nozzles about 30 inches above the floor were installed in Kansas City's airport to facilitate foot washing for the many Somalian cab drivers who frequent that terminal. When asked about the obvious "church - state" association here, the authorities said the new showers were there for all to use. Dennis Miller says the last six cab drivers he has hailed didn't seem to have washed anything.

We spent 156 billion on gasoline and motor oil; 275 billion on prescription drugs. Big deal, I want to know how much we spent on bottled water.

Congress passed a bill banning partial birth abortion a few years ago. It passed by a wide margin. It was declared unconstitutional by some judge, of course. Finally, the Supreme Court decided other wise. This ruling prompted much angst from Harry Reid and many other prominent senators. This wouldn't be much of a surprise except for the fact that they voted for the bill. I'm having trouble understanding why these senators are saying the justices are reactionary idiots when the justices simply reaffirmed the very law these very senators voted for in the first place. Did these cats all change their minds recently?

Five teens were shot on a bus in Chicago. There are rumblings in some caucuses in DC that it is time to pull out of Chicago.

Purdue Pharma, provider of Oxycontin, admits it mislead consumers. I have never heard of a company admitting fault before. They usually pay the fines under some agreement by which they still maintain innocence. The fine here is a cool $634 million. They said it was no more addictive or subject to abuse than other drugs. I wonder if Rush Limbaugh was deposed for evidence to the contrary.

Hospitals sometimes find it impossible to collect the fees that are owed by patients. If the best efforts of their folk, lawyers, and collection agencies fail, then they reclassify the amounts (usually unnecessarily outrageous) as "charity care" and brag about this altruism in a sappy press release.

We were supposed to be hit with near record floods from the Missouri River but some 20 levees broke in western Missouri and relieved much of the surge. Still, it is very high. Global warming caused this and the droughts.

The new challenge word is "butte." The new trivia question is what is the most popular name given to boys born in the USA in the second half of the 20th century? The lyrics challenge is: "There I go, on the road again./ There I go, up on the stage./ There I go, singing my songs again./ There I go, __ __ __."

More from "Uncle John"

Here is the latest from "Uncle John." Please comment on the piece and answer the trivia.

The Cardinals lost again yesterday. This is routine. A pitcher who had never won a major league game not only beat them, but shut them out. A player who had never hit a major league home run hit a grand slam. Our # 3 thru #6 batters (the vaunted Pujols, Rolen, and Edmonds) went 0 for 12. The Cardinals have scored 7 runs in the last 6 games. The sports analyst on TV says they have been "not very productive."

Speaking of the Cardinals, the police have issued the official report on the circumstances attending the fatal crash of their relief pitcher Josh Hancock. He had a 0.15% blood alcohol content, was going 68 mph in a 55 zone, was talking on the cell phone with a babe wanting tickets and planning to meet him at a bar down the road, was not wearing a seat belt, had marijuana in the vehicle, had some drug paraphernalia in the vehicle (and for all I know he was eating a Big Mac). The club's general manager said Josh made some bad decisions that night.

Warren Buffet's $52 billion is no longer good for the #2 position behind Bill Gates. He has been surpassed by a telecom mogul in Mexico. I'm wondering if some 12 million Mexicans had stayed in Mexico and had purchased phone service from him, perhaps this gentleman could even catch Bill Gates. We'll never know.

Speaking of illegal aliens (I mean immigrants awaiting their paperwork), a news report from the Hamptons indicates dire conditions this summer. The legal temporary work visas sought by the local employers for the summer are apparently capped despite applications being up 30%. Apparently no citizens will do these jobs tending to the rich and famous so the local are projecting a severe employee shortage in the area and predict that some employers will be forced to hire illegals.

This incident happened some time ago but for some reason it just came back to me yesterday. Perhaps it was the Run for the Roses at Churchill Downs that stirred the recollection. There was a truck wreck nearby in western IL. It was a livestock truck hauling a bunch of horses. The animals were injured to varying degrees in the collision. Contributions were sought far and wide to help pay for the repairs to these animals. I think the taxpayers of IL may even have picked up part of the bill. The interesting thing is that the truck was on the way to a facility in which the horses were to be destroyed. The last I heard, they were looking for people to adopt these horses. If they ended up sending them on the intended facility, I'm sure they would not advertise that result.

I apologize to all readers. I passed along a story that the WY State government had banned all non-Interstate motor traffic for a given week. I have been had. It was a great article tucked among other stories (in my cycling magazine) related to biking and walking initiatives throughout the country. I failed to notice the date on the article. It was April 1, 2007. I am so ashamed. Please disregard my comments about the elected officials of WY. Maybe they are not idiots after all (but then again, they probably are).

May is national bike month. Bill Nye opines, "There is something wrong with a society that drives a car to work out in a gym."

Boxer Mike Tyson apparently sold a house for $4 million. The rapper guy who bought it apparently put another $6 million into it during
a general renovation. A realtor who toured the finished product said it was very nice and tasteful, except for the stripper poles.

The price of gasoline jumped from $2.999 per gallon to $3.199 in Cambridge City, Muncie, Indianapolis, Effingham, and St. Louis on the night of May 2 at virtually all competing brands. There is no collusion. Dad makes the point, with which I wholeheartedly agree, that it is past time to drop the idiotic 0.9 cent appendage.

There is some story about paddlefish eggs being illegally harvested in Vevay, IN and illegally passed off as Caspian Sea sturgeon roe for caviar. As Carolyn would say, "caveat emptor" (or something like that, meaning buyer beware).

The population has grown by 70 million since 1980. Highway miles have increased by 5% in that period. Can you say "traffic congestion?"

Hillary picked a Senor Nunez, CA State assembly speaker, as cochair of her campaign. I guess farmer Jim Smith from Peoria didn't have much of a chance.

Cardinal broadcaster Mike Shannon: For the redbirds that bump in the road has become an avalanche.

Undaunted, I continue with the vocabulary and trivia challenge. The new word is "smarmy." The new trivia question is: what is the hero's name in the Oscar award winning film, Gladiator? Extra credit for the full name. The new lyric challenge is: "And I found out a long time ago,/ What a woman can do to your soul./ Ah but she can't take you any way,/ You don't already know how to go."

Tuesday's Insight

Law School exams are hard.

I am excited to make this post. I hope this will turn out to be a weekly column. These are excerpts from an exclusive weekly newsletter sent out by a talented writer. The New Right is the only place to read him on the web. We'll call the author "Uncle John." This inaugural posting will be a double edition. Please comment and let us know what you think of the new feature. Thanks.

The front page of today's Post Disgrace (er, Post Dispatch) shows an artist's rendering of a scientist's projection of sea waves rolling through high rise buildings. Well, maybe it's not such a happy Earth Day after all. We all must still keep in mind that it wasn't that many years ago that the first Earth Day scientific symposium had global cooling as it's agenda. I'll bet serious money that many of the prognosticators have been in both camps. Happy Arbor Day. Be sure to plant heat resistant and water resistant trees. I am given to understand that if you plant enough trees you can cat around in private jets and maintain a clear conscience as regards your zillions of pounds of CO2 emissions. This doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but it must be true. The person who says it won the popular vote for the US Presidency, won an Oscar, is about to win a Nobel Peace Prize, and invented the Internet.

Postage is going up to 41 cents. Good grief. I wonder what the average postage rate is on all the junk mail we get daily.

The Don Imus mess is settling down. I'm not sure that so many people should be so shocked when a shock jock says something shocking. The reverends Sharpton and Jackson got their usual air time (I don't think they made any money out of this one though) and I'm getting very tired of that.

I took my first bike ride of the Spring yesterday. It was a 22 mile deal at a very leisurely pace. Usually I have many, many miles under my belt by this time of year. I'm not so sure about global warming but I am sure about global blowing. It is windy every day. I do not like the wind.

A recent email about urine tests raised a very cogent point. If workers must take urine tests to prove they are drug free so they can keep their job and their salary and keep paying taxes, then why aren't the recipients of those tax dollars required to take urine tests to prove they are drug free so they can keep their welfare? Seems fair to me.

Mike Shannon, baseball announcer extraordinaire, said of the promising rookie, "His future is still ahead of him." Truer words were never spoken.

I notice on my charge card statements that they will accept a minimum payment that is 2% of the balance! This is an unvarnished attempt to lure customers into carrying absurd finance charges. There ought to be a law. (For an extra 0.89% of the balance each month, I can buy "protection" in that they would "suspend" my payments for a spell should I fall ill, lose my job, or move.)

It is reported that 36% of "boomers" want refrigerators in their cars. This amazes me. I've never of any heard grass roots movement in this regard. Who took this survey and why? Are they sure that it's really 36% and not, say, 35% for example? Last but not least, who cares?

This one sort of challenges ones ability to assimilate. The WY government (legislation from its Congress and signed by its Governor) has banned motorized traffic on all roads (except Interstate highways) from July 16-22. Those exiting the Interstates will be directed to a nearby parking lot. From there, they're on their own. It started out as a suggestion to encourage more walking and biking. If this doesn't prove that no idea is safe in the hands of elected officials, nothing will. I almost feel like going to WY then just to watch the chaos.

Howard Dean says "No one tells what they really think when the media is in the room." Since everything we ever hear or read attributed to our friends in government are things they say when media are in the room, it follows that we have never heard or read what they really think. This is unfathomably reassuring to me. Come to think of it, the media generally mis-report information anyway so at times they probably do accidentally indicate what the public "servant" really thinks. I resume my depression.

A man in Texas got a 30 year sentence in a child porn sting. A lady in STL got 37 months in the same sting. A lady teacher in CO got 45 days for actually engaging in the sort of thing the others merely had pictures of. Strange. Sort of like the good Congressman Folley who was caught having sent inappropriate emails to pages and was pilloried, tarred and feathered, run out of town on a rail, and hung in effigy when compared to the Congressman from MA who actually engaged in illicit acts with a page and got a standing ovation from his Dem colleagues when he turned his back on the House during censoring procedures and who was widely reelected every two years thereafter.

So Presidential candidate Edwards got a $400 haircut. Presidential Candidate Hillary must be insanely jealous.