More From Uncle John!

Happy Armed Forces Day. Happy Victoria Day to the Canadians.

Well, [my wife] is on cloud nine. She, despite giving her youngest sister 18 months notice that she would quit working for her in Jan. 07, still seems to be doing her youngest sister's bidding in May 07. Today a client told [her] that she must be [her sister's] younger sister. [She] is on cloud nine and there is no sign that she'll be coming down soon. She also enjoys commenting on her very low blood pressure, her doctor's assessment than she has the bone density of a 30 year old, and her regular amazing performance in the NCAA pools.

The book I'm reading has a passage in which our hero "sits down and crosses his legs, putting his ankle on the opposite knee." Maybe it's just me, but I just assumed if he put his ankle on his knee, it would indeed be the opposite knee.

[A relative] has returned from the Dominican Republic. I have asked him, but will extend the question to the whole audience just in case he is stumped. What is the reason that the Haiti half of the island is so much more impoverished than the Dominican half of the island?

It seems to me that the extra long phone cords often backfire. I realize that these are largely out of date now that almost everyone uses cell phones or cordless phones. But for those of us still using the old fashioned phones with cords, the extra long cord option usually leads to a situation in which the cord forms a double stranded helix like a DNA molecule and ends up so constricted that when you lift the handset it pulls the phone off the counter top. This is yet another case where more is less.

Everyone has a "mission statement." This revolutionary notion did not escape the IRS. The IRS says their mission is to help us meet our tax responsibilities. I'm not kidding. You can look it up (as Casey Stengel used to say). I think a reasonable interpretation of this mission statement would be that the IRS will chip in some cash when we owe taxes.

How about these bad judges that get reversed repeatedly by higher courts? They have a "three strikes and you're out" rule for the criminals; maybe they should have a similar one for the judges.

Guys are supposed to lower the toilet seat when they finish #1. Gals are supposed to leave it down when they finish. I never understood this protocol. But now I realize that if everyone does as they are supposed to, then only the guys ever see the bottom side of the toilet seat and some of the wonderful sights there.

The TV crime show was going through its forensic report and the deceased's blood alcohol content was given as 0.08%. One of the cast said that 0.08% didn't sound very high. Another said it may not sound high but the deceased only weighed 110 pounds. Why would weight matter when the level is expressed as a percentage of the blood?

Why is it ok to apply paint to the side of your house and let it dry there but it is not ok to just take the lid off and let the liquid evaporate prior to discarding?

Remember when we were assured the seat belt laws were for our protection and that the cops would only make note of seat belt violations if they happened to be detected during a pull over for a moving traffic violation. That position has given way long ago. Now the opposite applies. Locally, TV and radio ads are proclaiming that our police are now on the look out for seat belt violations and are making arrests like never before.

Rosie says Giuliani knew that the steel in the World Trade Center did not meet specifications.

Some global warming guys are getting more specific. Our coastal cities are to be under water in 5 years.

[My pregnant daughter] is like Streisand. She keeps announcing her retirement but continues on. I'm talking tennis in this instance. Each week she suggests may be her last till after the baby comes; but each week she beats her mother and decides to try it again.

We did some dog sitting for [my other daughter's] Kiwi while she attended a four day seminar at Lake of the Ozarks last week. On one day this Yorkie had taken four dumps. [My wife] took it to visit grandma. I must say I wish I had been there to see that little fella summon all his strength to produce yet a fifth pile, just for grandma's floor.

Last weeks challenge word was "butte." It is like a mesa or high plateau. The trivia question was what was the most popular name for boys born in the USA during 1950-2000. The answer is "Michael." Most guessed "John" which is understandable because of the universal appeal I generate. The last lyrics challenge was from Turn the Page by Bob Seeger (and Metallica, per some readers).

The new word is "scofflaw." The trivia question: Tennis has the Davis Cup; hockey has the Stanley Cup; what is the Cup that designates the yachting championship? The lyrics challenge is: "If I leave here tomorrow,/ Would you still remember me?/ For I must be traveling on now,/ Cause there's too many places I gotta see./ But if I stayed here with you girl,/ Things just couldn't be the same./ .../ Lord help me, I can't change."